So drunk its hurt
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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