You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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