My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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