Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
