Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
