dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
