my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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