He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
