I could have mohawked her pubes.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
