you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
