i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
