miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
and she was petting her beer can
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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