I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
