Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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