Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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