Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
