why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
