Got a toothbrush?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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