"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
