Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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