I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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