Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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