I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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