'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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