I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize