my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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