i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
