so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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