Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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