I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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