He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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