it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Drunk is not a location!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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