I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
