I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
