I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
