Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
