I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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