im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
