Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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