She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
