It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
