Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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