Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
