I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
