Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
