I didn't shave. On purpose
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
we made out on top of his cat.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
