Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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