I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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