I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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