Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
