Apparently you make a good broom.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
