Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
