Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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