i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize