She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
