this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
