A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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