I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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