What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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