so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
this will be a night to untag.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
