I heard we made out
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
