Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
