oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize