hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
