The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
