her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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